Stress: Relationship Helper or Relationship Killer

            Stress. It can turn someone from friendly to hostile. It can cause you to be sick to your stomach or make you depressed. There are many things that can cause stress. There is good stress and bad stress. This week I just want to talk about some stressors that we may have in our lives and share some recent stressors that I had recently in my own life.

            So how can stress be a good thing? If handled correctly, stress in a relationship and within a family can actually build and strengthen familial bonds. Recently my wife and I just had our first child. Now having a child is stressful. I think that any parent would agree. While I am new to the parenting game, waking up a every few hours to change diapers is not fun and it makes me more tired and irritable. My wife is stressed that she won’t be a good mom, and I’m stressed that I won’t be a good dad. However, our child and the stress we felt and feel has brought us closer together.

            When we went into the hospital to deliver, we found out our baby was breech. That was a stressful moment. We sat down with the doctor and discussed options and ultimately, we decided to get a c-section so that it would be less stressful on the baby. Even though the c-section was planned and we were not rushed into the operating room, it was stressful. Then our baby had to spend six hours in the NICU and his mom couldn’t get out of her bed to see him. The entire time I was stressed about spending time with him and spending time with my wife and trying to make sure both of them were ok. I wasn’t actually relaxed until we got to bring him into the room to be with mom. During the whole ordeal I was a little on edge and not able to focus on much. Now that was a “good” stressor. Thinking back, yes, I was worried that something would go wrong, but at the same time I was calm-ish. My wife and I were closer during that time because of the stressful event.

            Now my son was born on a Sunday and my wife had just had a surgery so I wasn’t about to go to class on Monday. By not going to class, I missed a review for a test I had on Friday. By missing class, I was stressed about the test and not sure how well I would do on it. That was definitely a negative stressor. I worried about it all week until it came time to take the test and I only really knew three of the five theories that we were being tested on. However, after the test, I figured, “its over and there isn’t anything I can do about it”.  My stress level had decreased.

            So why is stress such a bad thing in a relationship? Well, it can lead to many different problems. If one of you is stressed out, you can take that out on your partner and they can then become stressed or frustrated and it can lead to fighting and other means of dealing with stress that are not conducive. Now I know as a guy, that it can be hard to share feelings, but I think that is one of the best ways to cope with stress. Talk about it with one another. If I am dealing with stress at work, I talk about it with my wife and she helps me to let off some steam by telling her about it. Its therapeutic in a way. Talking about it may not solve all of your problems or completely get rid of your stress, but it sure does help a lot.

            Dealing with stress is heard and there is no surefire way to completely get rid of it, but you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. They are there because they love you and want the best for you.