Parenting Problems

            We’ve talked about a lot of different things so far, these past couple of weeks. We started with dating, and moved to marriage, then communication. We talked about fatherhood last week and now this week we are going to discuss parenthood and possibly some problem-solving techniques that can be helpful for every parent.

            What are the purposes of parenting? Some ideas generated in our class this last week were:

·         Teach children to be responsible and hardworking

·         Be a support network

·         To provide physical safety

·         To raise children to improve the community in which they live

·         To create a sense of belonging

My personal favorite however is a quote by M. Popkin: The purpose of parenting is “to protect and prepare a child to survive and to thrive in the world they will live in”.   That’s a pretty powerful quote. In my opinion, parenting is probably one of the most important things that we can do in our lives. Parenting is more than just having kids and taking care of their basic needs. It is teaching our children how to succeed in life. It is offering them support. It isn’t coddling them either. It is letting them grow and discover things by themselves. Let kids learn about natural consequences unless one, they are too dangerous, two, they are too far in the future, or three, the actions hurt others. That’s not saying to intentionally let your child touch the hot stove, but to teach them not to and explain that it is hot and that it will hurt.

            When your child is growing, it is important to teach them things that will help them later in life. When a problem arises, it is best to be firm, tell them your feelings about it, and do so with love. You can be firm with your child and still show that you love them. It is hard for children not to feel resentful towards a parent that sends them to their room, or takes away their bike because they left it on the lawn after being told to put it away, but they will always love you. Speaking of consequences, we discussed some logical consequences in class when problem solving with children. They are as follows:

1.      The consequence is logically connected to the natural consequence

2.      Consequences are discussed in advance à your child should know that if they leave their bike out, you will take it away for a pre-determined amount of time.

3.      Use of when/then or if/then statements “when you do x/ then y will be the consequence

4.      Be firm, but be friendly à show continued and increased love

5.      Follow through with the consequence the first time à don’t promise a consequence then not follow through. This shows that you are not serious and cannot be taken as such.

6.      Be willing to follow through. I personally haven’t experienced this, but I can imagine that it is sometimes hard to have to discipline a child, but it is for their benefit.

7.      Give another chance. This one is pretty self-explanatory

8.      Involve the child. Counsel with the child and listen to their ideas. Don’t just use the “I am the parent so what I say goes” statement. This shows that you are unwilling to work with the child and invalidates what they have to say.

Overall, parenting can be a very rewarding experience. You are family and love each other, or at least hopefully you should. If you have to discipline or correct you child, follow suit by showing an increase of love. Let them know all the time how much you love and appreciate them. Like I said parenting is rewarding and should be the best experience of your life.

Fatherhood: The Best Reward

            So, this week we talked about another seemingly innocent, but apparently controversial topic. What might that topic be? Fathers. Why is this controversial? Well, Brother Williams once held a series of seminars on Fathers and Fatherhood and there were people who were offended to think that fathers deserved any kind of special recognition. They just go to work and earn money, right? The truth is that they do so much more.

            Fathers make it so the mom can stay home and raise the kids. (Warning: controversial topic ahead) Moms are just naturally better at being nurturers and I think that they should be watching the kids while dad is at work. However, dads should do more than just go to work. I know the first thing I do when I get home from class or work is to spend time with my son. That is the most important thing I could do all day. Sure, work is frustrating and stressful. Traffic was backed up and stop and go for an hour, but dads shouldn’t bring that frustration home. Dads also have a responsibility to raise their children. Studies suggest that kids who have a positive male influence (usually a father) are less likely to be deviant and commit crimes. Dads can be a positive influence in the lives of their children. They should teach them how to ride a bike, fix a flat tire, change the oil on the car, and all those other cliché things that dads do. Dads are just as important in the rearing of their children as moms are. I think that we need to give dads more recognition then they currently have. Sadly, in today’s world, dads are either just to provide money for their families, or they are the guy that the kids see twice a month and provides child support.

            I think that it is so sad that dads don’t receive the recognition they deserve. Yes, there are great people who grew up without a father, but think of how much better they could have been if they did have a father in their life that was a positive influence. I do understand that there are dads out there in the world that don’t do anything in the home and go to work and come home and sit on the couch and that’s it, but there are also really great dads out there who try their best to help to raise their kids and give them the very best.

I know that in my life, I had a pretty great dad. He worked hard every day to provide for our family, and he also took time to spend time with us kids. He took my brothers and I camping all the time and we always had a blast. We would have smores and Pepsi. He took my sisters on “Daddy-daughter” dates and made sure to spend time with them one on one. I hope to be like him and do the same with my kids someday. For now, my son is young and can’t do a lot so I make sure to do what I can with him. Even as I write this blog post, I am holding him to get some quality time today before I go do other things that I have to do. Being a dad is first and foremost the most important thing I can do with my life. To raise children and teach them to be good people and help others is what I want to do with my life. If you are a dad, be the best dad you can be and be sure to spend time with your kids. Let’s give dads all the respect and appreciation that they deserve.