Let’s talk about
dating today. Dating has almost evolved into something completely different than
what it was even ten years ago. This week in our class we talked about dating
trends and marriage. Dating is the first step in that process. Well technically,
meeting someone is the first step in the process. Dating should be more than
hanging out with a group of mixed guys and gals. It is something that goes
beyond just talking to a guy or girl about life. Dating, according to Elder
Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles need three things. It needs
to be planned, paid for, and paired off. Let’s look at each of these individually.
Planned
Planning a date
consists of more than just asking a girl or guy to come over and watch a movie,
or go get a drink right them. Planning a date takes time. If you have previously
talked to your prospective date, you should know some of their interests. Take
them fishing, or dancing, or rock climbing, but have it prepared in advanced.
If you are going fishing, have all the gear, a spot to go, and a set time that
you will be there. Then ask something to the effect of “Hey X, I know you like
fishing and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me this Saturday from 8 to
10?” Then when they say yes you can tell them you have all of the stuff and
that you will pick them up at 8. Planning actually takes a little bit of work
and shows your prospective date that you are willing and able to commit for 2
to 3 hours to them and that you actually care.
Paid For
What does this
mean? This means that if you have planned that you know any costs that will
arise in the course of the date. If you are going out to dinner as part of the
date, the person who asked should pay. It’s common for each person to pay for
their own meal, but that doesn’t show commitment. Again, this commitment is
only for like 2 hours at most. It is not “I’m taking you to dinner so we have
to commit to dating exclusively”, its simply “I’m going to pay because I asked
you on a date and I want to show commitment to you for these next 2 hours”. It’s something simple that will show your date
that you care.
Paired Off
This part is
perhaps one of the most looked over parts of actually dating. Hanging out in a
big group is not dating. Repeat with me “Hanging out in a big group is not dating”.
Now I’m not saying you can’t go on a group date, but if boy A asks girls A out,
she should be his focus and he should be her focus for the duration of the
date. You should not ask someone on a date and then just treat them as another
person in the group. Pay for them. Make that two-hour commitment to them. That may
seem hard, but it can be done. If you want to go on a date with girl or boy B,
then wait until after the date and ask them on another date. It isn’t wrong to
go on a date one day with one person and a new person another day.
Dating is all
about getting to know lots of people so that you can see what you like in a
person and hopefully you can find someone who has some to most of the qualities
that you like. Go on several dates, with several people. Get to know them. Find
someone that you enjoy having fun with. Dating should not be stressful and more
often than not it is. There shouldn’t be any pressure to take the girl or guy
in your class, or church, or wherever else on a single date. After all the worst
they can say is no.
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