Dating in the Modern World

Let’s talk about dating today. Dating has almost evolved into something completely different than what it was even ten years ago. This week in our class we talked about dating trends and marriage. Dating is the first step in that process. Well technically, meeting someone is the first step in the process. Dating should be more than hanging out with a group of mixed guys and gals. It is something that goes beyond just talking to a guy or girl about life. Dating, according to Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles need three things. It needs to be planned, paid for, and paired off. Let’s look at each of these individually.

Planned

Planning a date consists of more than just asking a girl or guy to come over and watch a movie, or go get a drink right them. Planning a date takes time. If you have previously talked to your prospective date, you should know some of their interests. Take them fishing, or dancing, or rock climbing, but have it prepared in advanced. If you are going fishing, have all the gear, a spot to go, and a set time that you will be there. Then ask something to the effect of “Hey X, I know you like fishing and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me this Saturday from 8 to 10?” Then when they say yes you can tell them you have all of the stuff and that you will pick them up at 8. Planning actually takes a little bit of work and shows your prospective date that you are willing and able to commit for 2 to 3 hours to them and that you actually care.

Paid For

What does this mean? This means that if you have planned that you know any costs that will arise in the course of the date. If you are going out to dinner as part of the date, the person who asked should pay. It’s common for each person to pay for their own meal, but that doesn’t show commitment. Again, this commitment is only for like 2 hours at most. It is not “I’m taking you to dinner so we have to commit to dating exclusively”, its simply “I’m going to pay because I asked you on a date and I want to show commitment to you for these next 2 hours”.  It’s something simple that will show your date that you care.

Paired Off

This part is perhaps one of the most looked over parts of actually dating. Hanging out in a big group is not dating. Repeat with me “Hanging out in a big group is not dating”. Now I’m not saying you can’t go on a group date, but if boy A asks girls A out, she should be his focus and he should be her focus for the duration of the date. You should not ask someone on a date and then just treat them as another person in the group. Pay for them. Make that two-hour commitment to them. That may seem hard, but it can be done. If you want to go on a date with girl or boy B, then wait until after the date and ask them on another date. It isn’t wrong to go on a date one day with one person and a new person another day.

Dating is all about getting to know lots of people so that you can see what you like in a person and hopefully you can find someone who has some to most of the qualities that you like. Go on several dates, with several people. Get to know them. Find someone that you enjoy having fun with. Dating should not be stressful and more often than not it is. There shouldn’t be any pressure to take the girl or guy in your class, or church, or wherever else on a single date. After all the worst they can say is no.