Communication is the Key

            Communication in marriage. Probably one of the hardest, yet at the same time easiest things about marriage. It comes in so many different forms and every marriage is different. Communication however, I believe, is one of the keys to a successful, happy marriage.

            Communication is not just about talking to one another about how your day went, or how work was, it is so much more. A key part of communication is making decisions together. You must be able to communicate to make decisions together. There are a lot of different models, if you will, about how to make decisions in marriage or even dating. There is the “compromise” which is basically “if we do this for you, then we get to do y for me”. This can work but someone always comes away better than the other and can lead to contention and fighting within the marriage. Another model is the “alternate” model. This model is alternating turns of making decisions with no input from your partner. It is “you choose this time; I’ll choose next time”. This kind of thinking can lead to blame and indecision, which can further lead to fighting.

            Personally, I don’t think either of those models work very well. Someone is always getting the short end of the stick and one person isn’t going to be truly happy with the decision that is reached. We did talk about a model in class that is pretty straight forward and can be used to make sure that all opinions are heard and acknowledged.  

            So, what is the first step to this really good way to counsel?  Start by showing and acknowledging your love and affection for one another. If you are married or even dating you have to at least have some appreciation for one another. If you don’t you should rethink things. Showing, saying, and meaning that you love one another sets the stage for the entire discussion. You can be more open with one another about things.

            The second step is to discuss until you both come to a consensus. By coming to a consensus, you can both be assured that you are both happy with the decision and that neither of you is feeling that you have been cheated or that your opinions have not been heard or validated. Reaching a consensus does not mean that one of you compromises everything and that you don’t get any of your opinions, but rather that both of you are fully aware of and satisfied with the final decision.

            My wife and I have to come to a consensus when deciding what to do for date night. It is never “I want to eat here” and “well I’ll find something to eat there.” It is “where do we both want to eat tonight, or do we both want to just get ice cream”. We both are happy with the decision we make and never feel cheated. Obviously, there are some times that we compromise and go somewhere that the other person wants to, but for the most part, we are able to work it out and both be happy.

            Now in class when we were talking about this model, Brother Williams suggested always ending a counsel with some sort of dessert as a way of ending on a good note and honestly who doesn’t want a dessert?

Overall, there are many different ways that we can communicate in our relationships and communication is a key part in any relationship. Like I said at the beginning, it can make or break a relationship. The above-mentioned model is by no means perfect, but it can help in reducing hard feelings and help to make decision making less stressful.

Try it out and see if it works for you.