Parenting Problems

            We’ve talked about a lot of different things so far, these past couple of weeks. We started with dating, and moved to marriage, then communication. We talked about fatherhood last week and now this week we are going to discuss parenthood and possibly some problem-solving techniques that can be helpful for every parent.

            What are the purposes of parenting? Some ideas generated in our class this last week were:

·         Teach children to be responsible and hardworking

·         Be a support network

·         To provide physical safety

·         To raise children to improve the community in which they live

·         To create a sense of belonging

My personal favorite however is a quote by M. Popkin: The purpose of parenting is “to protect and prepare a child to survive and to thrive in the world they will live in”.   That’s a pretty powerful quote. In my opinion, parenting is probably one of the most important things that we can do in our lives. Parenting is more than just having kids and taking care of their basic needs. It is teaching our children how to succeed in life. It is offering them support. It isn’t coddling them either. It is letting them grow and discover things by themselves. Let kids learn about natural consequences unless one, they are too dangerous, two, they are too far in the future, or three, the actions hurt others. That’s not saying to intentionally let your child touch the hot stove, but to teach them not to and explain that it is hot and that it will hurt.

            When your child is growing, it is important to teach them things that will help them later in life. When a problem arises, it is best to be firm, tell them your feelings about it, and do so with love. You can be firm with your child and still show that you love them. It is hard for children not to feel resentful towards a parent that sends them to their room, or takes away their bike because they left it on the lawn after being told to put it away, but they will always love you. Speaking of consequences, we discussed some logical consequences in class when problem solving with children. They are as follows:

1.      The consequence is logically connected to the natural consequence

2.      Consequences are discussed in advance à your child should know that if they leave their bike out, you will take it away for a pre-determined amount of time.

3.      Use of when/then or if/then statements “when you do x/ then y will be the consequence

4.      Be firm, but be friendly à show continued and increased love

5.      Follow through with the consequence the first time à don’t promise a consequence then not follow through. This shows that you are not serious and cannot be taken as such.

6.      Be willing to follow through. I personally haven’t experienced this, but I can imagine that it is sometimes hard to have to discipline a child, but it is for their benefit.

7.      Give another chance. This one is pretty self-explanatory

8.      Involve the child. Counsel with the child and listen to their ideas. Don’t just use the “I am the parent so what I say goes” statement. This shows that you are unwilling to work with the child and invalidates what they have to say.

Overall, parenting can be a very rewarding experience. You are family and love each other, or at least hopefully you should. If you have to discipline or correct you child, follow suit by showing an increase of love. Let them know all the time how much you love and appreciate them. Like I said parenting is rewarding and should be the best experience of your life.